Eulogy for a Mentor-Friend

My friend, that I wrote about in my February 24, 2014 post, passed away this week.  Her fight to survive, live her faith and witness is over.  She was released from this disease that ravaged her body and delivered to Heaven.

Carol was a wonderful person and a beautiful addition to my life.  I am deeply grateful.

These are some of the things I learned from Carol:

Hang the laundry out to dry before going horseback riding, but definitely go horseback riding without guilt!

Encourage others pursue their dreams.

Give generously of your time, talents and energy.

Raise strong kids through tough love, genuine love and true love.

Love your husband unconditionally.

Go to church; every Sunday because worshipping and fellowshipping is important.

Go to bible study (a cute bible is not necessary but a good study bible will pay you back 10 times).

Make chocolate chip cookies often.

Hold your best recipes in secret; make them beg and drool.  You can always promise to pass them on after you die. (Psst! we are all waiting for the cheesecake and slushy recipes!)

Live life and don't be paralyzed by fear.  This means cantering in the woods, talking to everyone, traveling, and learning new things.

Really listen to your children but set boundaries of acceptable behavior.

Celebrate your children and help them know their strengths and weaknesses.

Your Mother is your best friend; treat her well.

Sisters are not limited to blood relatives.  Be a sister to a sister.

Don't gossip.

Be Positive because negativity is a waste of a good life.

Get an education and use it for the glory of God.

Be pragmatic, practical, in all things.

Say your peace; be honest.

Laugh loudly, have fun and joke.  The meek will inherit the earth but they will need to be entertained so go ahead and laugh.

Be a wise steward of your money so that you can give freely and splurge once in a while.

Sunday's are a day of rest and therefore, perfect for horseback riding!

Fight until God gives you permission to give up.  His timing is always perfect.  Healing can take place in Heaven.

Prayers and Dr. Suess

My elementary teaching days are like my shadow late in the day.  I can see them but not touch the very top, for they are getting farther away as the sun sets.  My love for Dr. Suess has grown in the absence of the demand.  When I had to read Green Eggs and Ham over and over, my adoration for Suess' wacky nonsense wained.  Now that I am freed of this repetitive responsibility I am finding a renewed appreciation.  I am re-reading our collection of Suess books to my sons.

 http://childrenstech.com/files/2010/08/greeneggs-300x200.jpg

I did not expect the impact it would have on our morning prayers.  I started modeling adoration, repentance, and supplication (asking) by praying over our day as we traveled to school.  Recently, my fears of being widowed with two strong-willed boys to raise haunts my thoughts.  How would they learn to shave, change the oil and fix a lawn mower?

So, my deepest worry needed voice in our prayers.  I wanted the boys to know that sometimes prayers are unanswered because God is choosing a trial for us, to make us grow.  I also wanted to make sure they knew that God's will, not our will, is the base of our asking.  (Luke 22:44)  "...and Jesus asked his Father to remove the cup of suffering. Then He surrendered, "Not my will, but yours be done."  

And with that I started ending our prayer with, "if it is your will, please bring us all back home together again tonight."  

This morning, deep in the thorniness of May, I asked the boys to pray as I drove.  The Tall One began thanking God for the natural world, family and friends.  The Little One added a prayer of thanksgiving for chickens.  His innocence shining through his words.  

Then, he closed the prayer with "if it is Your will please keep us safe from here to there and everywhere."  

Dr. Suess influenced supplication. 

I believe I will continue both the read-alouds and the spontaneous prayers led by my boys.  

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I am officially breaking up with Winter!  It's not Winter's fault.  It's me.  I thought I had the midwestern moxie to find the quirky, numbness of winter fun and adventuresome.  I am not that person anymore.  I think we've just grown apart.  I am ready to move on from snowshoeing, shoveling and 4WD.  I am ready to grow and see new seasons.

Winter, you really must stop snowing and blowing.  Please don't cry anymore freezing rain.  I will always love you.  I will remember fondly your frostiness and glistening drifts.

But, I can't see you anymore, Winter.  It is not healthy for me.  I am weary from shoveling and snow blowing.  It's not you, really.  It's me.  Your beauty sparkles, your flakes form perfectly and your power is mighty.  

                                      You bury me in your icy piles and frosty window panes…

Honestly, I am tired of snowshoeing and sledding.  The intrigue and wonder has worn off.  I have faithfully tromped through your drifts; marveled at your creations.  I have enjoyed our time together, crunching through the woods.  The adventure of an evening hike with headlamps cutting through the dark to highlight the tiny bits of white flakes, was a delightful double date.  I appreciate our time together, the lessons you've taught me and the gifts you brought.  I just can't accept your gifts anymore.

I find myself yearning for something different.  Something you can't give me.  I need to grow.  I need to see more of the world than white drifts and icy piles.

I think I want to hang out with Spring.

Spring and I deserve a chance.  We would like to get to know each other better.  So, Winter, you've been great but I am moving on.  I will always love you.

Christmas...season of giving or season of wanting?

Christmas is a special time of year for Christians.  

Aside from the obligatory family parties, church services, shopping, gift wrapping and cookie making there is a Facebook-Pinterest standard that adds a unique pressure.  I am much like any other person with a Facebook account.  I post pictures of the graceful moments in my life.  I post the champions and the glories.  I also read my friend’s posts of glory and advantage.  Then we have to combat the television and all the ads; driving our desires beyond reason.

This year I was challenged by a book written by Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift.  However, this challenge was not a good feeling; it did not present a clear path.  It was a challenge!  This season I am taking a breaking from social media as I see that it is creating anxiety that clouds the reason I celebrate.  So, I hung my christmas upside down.  I did not anticipate the revolt and mutiny that would be my payment for such a spiritual revelation.

            My focus needed to be rerouted from the commercialism and materialism so everpresent on social media.  I need to watch Charles Schultz’s Charlie Brown Christmas.  I needed Linus to pontificate and remind me of the reason for the season.  Dave Ramsey would be proud but my sons were less than impressed with their gifts.  

            Now I find myself reverting emotionally in these post Christmas days of sales, opportunities lost and social media posts showing the glory given by people to the ones they love.  Do I not love my people as much?  Should I have purchased different gifts; more gifts? More, More and More!

            Have I fashioned materialistic children or are we all programmed this way?  How do I curb this incessant need for bigger, better, more, more, and more?  I have participated in Samaritan’s Purse Christmas Shoebox; donated clothing and toys with my young sons and done anonymous gift cards to those that need as extra bump during the holidays.  The Tall One and the Little One see our family’s frugality and financial responsibility first hand. 

How do I teach them that our daily sacrifice is not just a slight to them personally?  Teach: to show or explain to someone how to do something, to learn or understand something by example or experience.  I will teach and continue to review the curriculum laid out by my God in the Bible.  I will re-teach without attending to the complaints, and whining.  Teach my sons to fully understand the meaning of the Greatest Gift, Jesus. (Psst! it isn't Nerf guns, mini-bikes or snowboards).

Grunts, Guilt and Cravings

It’s a low point in which I find myself eating the dusty, broken crumbs of the Salt & Vinegar Potato chips from the bottom of the bag.  My less than discerning tongue can’t even tell if they are stale.  Does my tongue, psyche or heart even care?  I am not terribly hungry but I am terribly emotional, exhausted and cranky.  

It is a few days post 4H fair.  We came home in the mud and rain.  The camper is a wreck, the clothes have been washed several times but still have stains.  The house needs my attention and my kids are exhausted.  Exhausted kids; now that’s another blog post.

Yesterday, we started with loading the remaining 28 market chickens into a trailer and off to the butcher.  Next, Young Ones’s hog, Tiger, is off to fulfill his destany.  Tiger is close to 300 lbs of curious cuteness, if you like pigs.  He was a complete gentleman and loaded himself on the trailer in an aura of sacrifice.  Young one came down from his bed, wrapped in a towel off the clean (unfolded and definitely not put away) laundry pile and my flip flop sandals.  He flopped his way out to the trailer to say to goodbye to his pet, er, market hog. 

 

We cracked the door and Tiger snuggled Young One’s hands.  Grunting his goodbyes in piggy language, Young One did well bracing his emotions as he scratched Tigers head one last time.  We all felt guilty. 

 

Back to my cravings, "Twinkie eating" in the camper while I clean countertops, refrigerator shelves and floors.  Twinkies!  They are back!  I had to do a scientific experiment.  Do the new Twinkie taste like the old Twinkies? Yes, indeed they do but now they have the new ingredient of guilt. No one saw me eat the Twinkie except God.  

Cravings are a substitute for my lack of connectivity with my Maker.  This week was an exercise in me exerting my will power, my agenda and letting my hormones/emotions run my decisions.  Needless to say this plan of attack was less than successful.  Hence, the Salt &

Vinegar Potato chips and Twinkies.

Today is a sunny day made for me to dry out the wet, soggy mess; metaphorically and physically?  Time to throw away the bag of chip crumbs, lock up the Twinkies and say a prayer.

I highly recommend the Made to Crave bible study by Lysa TerKeurst.  It won’t keep you from eating chips or Twinkies but it will lead you to a closer relationship with Christ, who made us to crave Him.  Forgiveness and grace is a wonderful thing for those of us who eat emotionally and feel the guilt keenly.

No More Procrastination!

I imagine myself as a blogger. But until now, I hadn’t the energy or courage to actually set a blog and enter text.  The fear of failure loomed.  The possibility of imperfection reared its ugly head and I ran for the hills.  Then there is the ever-present excuse that I am an exhausted, working mom living on 37 acres of land that is trying to reclaim itself from my vision of cultivation and manicured perfection. 

Blogging is something energetic, confident and qualified people do, right?  Being a Pinterest addict, I have visited many blogs; some good, some not so good and some beautiful.  I have seen the “face” of these blogging people.  I could do this, if I could muster the energy.

I am a lifelong learner but consider myself an “apprentice to all things, master of none.”  All these life experiences and fodder for my inner blogger and still; no blog. 

Direction. Focus.  Those are powerful words for anyone.  I needed direction for my blog.  A focus.  Oh, and a cheerleader.  I found a blogging angel in my friend and peer, Lizzy.  theteacherchick@blogspot.com  She is my mentor and cheerleader.  She believes in me when I don’t.  She leads when I am tired and she follows willingly when I have a great idea.  The following part is especially flattering. 

Liz is the mastermind behind my blog.  She helped me find my focus, which is actually a purposeful unfocused approach.  I know a little about a lot.  I am fearless when it comes to trying new things in the classroom.  I also LOVE horses, gardening and reading.

Direction: Where ever the winds blow me.

Focus:  Things that I love or want to learn.

Now I am blogging!