It’s a low point in which I
find myself eating the dusty, broken crumbs of the Salt & Vinegar Potato
chips from the bottom of the bag. My
less than discerning tongue can’t even tell if they are stale. Does my tongue, psyche or heart even
care? I am not terribly hungry but I am
terribly emotional, exhausted and cranky.
It is a few days post 4H
fair. We came home in the mud and
rain. The camper is a wreck, the clothes
have been washed several times but still have stains. The house needs my attention and my kids are
exhausted. Exhausted kids; now that’s
another blog post.
Yesterday, we started with
loading the remaining 28 market chickens into a trailer and off to the
butcher. Next, Young Ones’s hog, Tiger,
is off to fulfill his destany. Tiger is
close to 300 lbs of curious cuteness, if you like pigs. He was a complete gentleman and loaded
himself on the trailer in an aura of sacrifice.
Young one came down from his bed, wrapped in a towel off the clean (unfolded and definitely not put away)
laundry pile and my flip flop sandals.
He flopped his way out to the trailer to say to goodbye to his pet, er,
market hog.
We cracked the door and Tiger
snuggled Young One’s hands. Grunting his
goodbyes in piggy language, Young One did well bracing his emotions as he
scratched Tigers head one last time. We
all felt guilty.
Back to my cravings, "Twinkie eating" in
the camper while I clean countertops, refrigerator shelves and floors. Twinkies!
They are back! I had to do a
scientific experiment. Do the new
Twinkie taste like the old Twinkies? Yes, indeed they do but now they have the
new ingredient of guilt. No one saw me eat the Twinkie except God.
Cravings are a substitute for
my lack of connectivity with my Maker.
This week was an exercise in me exerting my will power, my agenda and
letting my hormones/emotions run my decisions. Needless to say this plan of attack was less than successful. Hence, the Salt &
Vinegar Potato chips and Twinkies.
Today is a sunny day made for
me to dry out the wet, soggy mess; metaphorically and physically? Time to throw away the bag of chip crumbs,
lock up the Twinkies and say a prayer.
I highly recommend the Made to Crave bible study by Lysa TerKeurst.
It won’t keep you from eating chips or Twinkies but it will lead you to
a closer relationship with Christ, who made us to crave Him. Forgiveness and grace is a wonderful thing
for those of us who eat emotionally and feel the guilt keenly.
